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    Although Pornhub receives an average of 35 million hits a day and a billion hits a monthAmber and Madeline are the company's first interns. It launched a contest to find two interns a year ago, and a friend sent Amber a link so she could enter. A big-breasted blonde in her mids, Amber had spent the last several years stripping and traveling—she thought interning at Pornhub was something she was born to do. Madeline found the contest on her own. Between her long dark hair and intense stare, Madeline looks like Wednesday Addams would in an Addams Family Values remake created by a movie studio trying to "connect with millennials. The contest seemed like a solution to Madeline's problems. She had struggled with anxiety her entire life.

    I don't have any friends. I'd rather play The Sims. After several rounds of auditions, the two girls won the internship. They ended up at Ron Jeremy's party, but refused to say what took place. Today the girls rarely attend industry events and spend most of their time working from home. Madeline lives with her parents outside Chicago, and Amber has spent the last several months living out of a hostel, although she has a permanent residence in Montreal. Their duties for Pornhub include tweeting dirty jokes, leaving comments on porn videos, and interacting with fans on Pornhub's social media community. In their first few months on the job, the girls didn't pick up many fans, but since the fall, their Twitter following has grown to nearly 8, and they have become a subject of fascination for many porn fans and others with too much time on their hands.

    Many companies have their interns tweeting, but only Amber and Madeline have managed to parlay their intern work into their own cult-like internet following. What makes the Pornhub interns different from other people my age? I decided to become a Pornhub intern for a day to find out. Because the girls work from home, Pornhub flew them to Brooklyn so I could hang with them for a day in a sketchy motel room.

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    The day of my internship, I woke up to a text from Madeline: Immediately Amber asked if we could go on a wine run. We have so much in common. Amber brought a stuffed Piglet doll to cuddle with, and Madeline came equipped with an ugly toy that looked like an alien. As Amber showed me her huge Hello Kitty suitcase and box of beads she traveled with, Madeline shot her a death stare. I removed my composition book from my Snoopy bookbag to jot down notes about what the girls were saying, and within minutes, Madeline was tweeting shit about me: Then Madeline told me she had e-stalked me before I arrived.

    Amber joined in and insisted I wear Pornhub panties and a twink-y Pornhub intern tank top. In the bathroom, my phone lit up as my friends favorited what the interns had tweeted about me. I swung open the door quickly, and the girls laughed, but everything changed when I walked out of the door in my new outfit.

    I felt a connection to my fellow interns. Something about my ball sack leaking out of the way-too-small panties made me realize that the girls weren't making fun of me—they simply have a dark sense of humor that is both unconventional and part of their success. I was spiritually connected to what they call the CreamTeam. It was time for the girls and me to tweet out photos of us together from our social platforms to spread the news about our burgeoning collaboration. Afterwards, we debated how I should sign my tweets. We decided I should tweet using my own name to use their social media platform to promote myself.

    For my first tweet, I decided to jokingly try to fulfill one of my sexual fantasies and tweeted Harry Styles and invited him to our hotel room, so I could participate in a One Direction bukkake. We know you're a homo. Come to BK. We'll do a bukkake, and you can come on my face. Bring Niel, that bottom bitch-Mitch — Pornhub Interns PornhubInterns December 4, I knew 1D would never fly to Brooklyn to ejaculate on my eyes, but something about tweeting the boys from the Pornhub intern account felt empowering. After we finished making jewelry and tweeting about rim jobs, the girls covered me in Pornhub stickers so we could go on a food run.

    We stopped at a local Subway, and a guy buying a sandwich stopped me and said, "I thought you were a billboard for Pornhub. We asked if he'd pose for a photo with us, but he thought we were lying.

    When he got home, he googled "Pornhub interns" out of curiosity and realized Amber and Ggirl were the real deal and tweeted at the girls, When we returned to the hotel room, I changed back into my panties, and we began exploring the Pornhub community platform. Madeline had chosen a dick pic fuckig her profile picture, giro dozens of men had sent her their dick pics. Amber said the users were more than men ob off though. I'm numb to porn now," Madeline told me. I've always been into facesitting fuckung. Pornhub Interns Meet Vice! Slutllad don't roofie them—there's some guy who says I did, but he just wanted his feminist girlfriend back.

    Is Trump a false flag candidate for Hillary? Is Ted Cruz secretly still Canadian? A week later, that very same groundhog was found dead. The Staten Island Zoo claims the two events were unrelated —whether you believe them, is a different matter entirely. And as any reasonable person knows, that is bullshit. Did Avril Lavigne Die in ?: This is the innocuous beginning to what is, perhaps, the best written statement on Canadian pop-punk Nickelback divorcee Avril Lavigne that the internet has ever produced. Louis C. Was that the familiar whine of How did this caricature of a Republican politician, who has never held elected office, and whose personal ideology is remarkably fluidusurp more experienced, more conservative, and better-funded candidates like Jeb Bush and Scott Walker?

    Within this vacuum of understanding, an almost-believable conspiracy theory has obtained currency: Donald Trump is in fact a false flag candidate whose actual mission is electing Hillary Clinton as President. James Bradstreet—a forceful proponent of the bunk theory that vaccines are linked to autism—in a North Carolina river, with a gunshot wound through his chest.


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